When I sat down to have my quiet time today, this is what I read:
"NO matter where you are in your spiritual journey, the decision before you is whether or not you will trust God. You probably have many circumstances in your life that challenge your trust in Him. In this week's lessons, we'll focus on our first priority: our relationship with God. Trust is the key word in that relationship. As you begin this week's study, let me ask you a question: will you let go of whatever is holding you back from trusting God completely?"
I say I trust God and that I don't want anything other for my life than what He has blessed and ordained, but sometimes I feel like what I'm really doing is trusting in His "no" answer. Let me explain, I think my struggle in trusting comes in believing He will answer my prayers. I guard my heart almost by preparing for the "no" rather than really seeking Him and believing in a "yes". I don't know if that completely makes sense, but I've never wanted to be a "name it, claim it" type of believer. I know there are lots of reasons why God doesn't always answer prayers the way we are asking. I guess I just tend to think He's not going to answer the way I'm asking.
More than anything, I want to trust God completely. I feel like I do trust Him with the "nos" but can I trust Him for the answered prayers as well? It's hard to find how to live that tension - wanting and trusting for the "yes" but also being okay with the "no". That's the tension of where I want to live. My goal today is to be present today - not think or worry about what tomorrow will bring but to be a faithful seeker of Him today. With my eyes fixed on Him, I will have proper perspective and peace.