POSITIVE! I went to the doctor this morning for a blood pregnancy test. They called me with the news that I was pregnant! I started crying on the phone...I was so happy - for about 30 seconds - until I started to worry. The nurse told me any level above 60 is considered pregnant. My level was 90. I go back on Wednesday for another blood test. The nurse says that my levels should increase by 60% if all is progressing normally. After my initial happiness, I started to worry that my level wasn't that high. What if the second blood test shows a decrease in my levels? What if the baby initially implanted but I miscarry? My mind just started going with worry. Why can't I just be happy and excited? That's what my husband wanted to know when I got home from work tonight. Why can't I just be optimistic? I don't know. I don't want to worry. I don't want to have these sinking feelings. I guess I just feel so fragile and vulnerable.
So, once again I'm reminded that I must trust God with everything - everything that I don't have control over and all the unknowns I face. I must find my peace in Him and direct my thoughts to Him. He will give me the courage and bravery I need.