Monday, May 16, 2011

And the pregnancy test result is....

POSITIVE!  I went to the doctor this morning for a blood pregnancy test.  They called me with the news that I was pregnant!  I started crying on the phone...I was so happy - for about 30 seconds - until I started to worry.  The nurse told me any level above 60 is considered pregnant.  My level was 90.  I go back on Wednesday for another blood test.  The nurse says that my levels should increase by 60% if all is progressing normally.  After my initial happiness, I started to worry that my level wasn't that high.  What if the second blood test shows a decrease in my levels?  What if the baby initially implanted but I miscarry?  My mind just started going with worry.  Why can't I just be happy and excited?  That's what my husband wanted to know when I got home from work tonight.  Why can't I just be optimistic?  I don't know.  I don't want to worry.  I don't want to have these sinking feelings.  I guess I just feel so fragile and vulnerable. 

So, once again I'm reminded that I must trust God with everything - everything that I don't have control over and all the unknowns I face.  I must find my peace in Him and direct my thoughts to Him.  He will give me the courage and bravery I need. 

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