Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Love Who You Are

So something you should know about me is that I've struggled with weight issues since I was a teenager. In my 20s, I was probably 40 pounds overweight. In my late 20s, I lost 40 pounds by diet and exercise. To try and maintain my weight loss, I became pretty rigid and restrictive with my eating patterns and exercise. I felt like my life became about what I ate and how much I exercised so that I would not gain weight. I met my husband when I was 28. After we got married, he learned quickly that I had "food" and "weight" issues. He didn't want me to make separate meals for him and me, so I became less restrive with my eating over time. Then we spent several years dealing with infertility issues and trying to get pregnant - this meant lots of fertility medicatios/injections. My weight issues took a back seat to having a baby. I finally got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl in 2007. I gained a healthy amount of weight during my pregnancy and really focused on eating healthy. Since having my baby, I still exercise daily and focus on healthy eating, but I have an extra 7-10 pounds on my frame. That might not sound like a lot of weight, but to me, someone who has struggled with weight for years, it's hard to accept. I don't want to be restrictive and rigid with how I eat anymore. I want to be healthy person, inside and out, and a good example for my daughter. My weight battle and my relationship with food continue to be a daily struggle for me. I don't believe overly focusing on weight or food is where God wants my heart or time. I try to remember that my body is God's temple, and I strive to be balanced and healthy in how I eat and exercise. If I'm so rigid with eating and exercise, I'm out of balance. If I don't have any boundaries in place with how I eat, that isn't God-honoring either. So, it's living in that tension - to have self-control and balance. It's a daily walk and more related to my spiritual journey than I've previously known. I don't want to be that person who is never satisfied with how I look, always wanting to lose 5 more pounds. I want to be happy with who I am, inside and out, and take care of myself so that God is pleased with my stewardship.

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