Monday, March 28, 2011
Infertility and faith
My husband and I have been married for 8 years. I knew when we got married that it might be difficult for me to have a baby since I had been diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 and never really had regular periods. We decided to wait a couple years before we started active efforts to get pregnant. We started working with my obgyn, and she prescribed Clomid. I took that for several months, but it never worked. She then referred me to a fertility specialist. When I saw the fertility specialist, he told me I didn't have PCOS but rather a problem with my pituitary gland. Because of my condition, we started a regimen of fertility medications and injections and attempted intrauterine inseminations multiple times with no success. After three, I think, failed IUIs, we proceeded to invetro fertilization. Because of my desire to have a child, I was ready to try invetro right away. My husband, on the other hand, was more skeptical and uncertain about the process and the many ethical dilemmas we might face moving forward. Because you had to know how you would handle possible situations, we had to slow down and think through everything very thoroughly. Letting go and stepping back was really hard for me, but I knew my husband and I had to be on the same page, and I knew my husband had to have peace before we could move forward. So, I stepped back, slowed down, let him lead the process. I had to get to the point of surrendering my desire of having a baby because I didn't know that ADam would be okay with moving forward with invetro. After prayer and a period of waiting, Adam felt comfortable moving forward with IVF. We started this intense process over 4 years ago. The result of our first IVF attempt was our beautiful daughter Emerson. She is a miracle in so many ways, and I truly believe I appreciate and love her more fully because of the gift I know she is to us from God. We love Emerson fully and have wanted to expand our family with more children. We've had many failed attempts at IUIs and IVF since Emerson's birth. We are approaching our last attempt at IVF next month. I'm scared and excited at the same time. But no matter what the outcome, I know God's will is always better than mine. And, I don't want anything other than His will.