Despite my post yesterday, I've never been a worrier. I would consider myself someone with strong faith and when something is bothering me, I am able to pray about it and trust God. Yesterday, something in me just snapped and I began to worry. I don't know where it came from, really. Part of it, I think, is because I was worried how my husband would handle the bill I received. My husband, as wonderful as he is, is a worrier. He knows it and tries to work on it, but it's a pattern for him. Moving forward with IVF was a HUGE decision because of the cost it entailed. I only work part-time so I can stay home and raise our 4 year-old daughter, which means the primary burden is on my husband to support our family. He is a therapist and doesn't make a great deal of money, but he's very good with budgeting and saving. We've always had a budget since we first married and really try to live below our means. So, taking all of the money out of our savings account to pursue IVF is a big deal. Savings is security for my husband, and not having that leaves us feeling vulnerable.
I think that's why I started worrying when I received that statement in the mail. I thought we had another month to save up some money so we might not have to exhaust all of our savings. I worried that my husband would start to worry about finances, etc. Guess what my devotion time was about this morning? Worrying! In addition to reading Crazy Love, I'm also reading Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. The chapter I was on this morning was on Worry. God reminded me through reading this chapter to fix my eyes on Him, not on my circumstances, to do what I can do and to trust God with the rest. A life filled with worry has little room left for faith. And without faith, we can't pleae Gor or drauw close to him for the guidance we need to face the cares of everyday life.
Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us to "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksigving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".
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