This week I shared some of my goals, specifically around loving others better. I've been intentional about verbally praising Adam, and that's gone well. But, I've struggled with giving up my time and agenda to serve others. I know it's what I need to do, and I've gotten around to saying "yes" to the service opportunities but not without some fight. Even in serving, I want it to be convenient. And is it really serving if it's always convenient for us? I'm ashamed to say I've even tried to think of excuses as to why I couldn't do an act of service that I knew I should do. Thankfully, God didn't let me off the hook and I relinquished my grip on my time and agenda. But, why does it have to be so hard? Why do I have to FIGHT to do what I know is the right thing to do? Why doesn't it just come naturally? Sometimes it does come easier than others, but other times it's a fight to the death of my flesh. Today, the Spirit won, thankfully. I'm just struggling with the ugliness of my flesh and the selfishness still in me.
I've fought discouragement all day today. No reason, really. I did mail our $8700 check to the fertility specialist today. After looking at our finances and doing some transfers, we had all the money to send in. Praise God. But why am I so down? I wonder if I'm still holding on to worry and anxiety that I need to release?
Even in the midst of fighting selfishness and Wednesday blues, I am thankful to serve a God who loves me and never forsakes me. I believe this no matter what I feel. The only thing in life that really matters is being in right relationship with Him. God, thank you for the beauty of today. Thank you for being victorious in my life and loving me enough to refine me and discipline me. Thank you for giving me your strength in my weakness to do what's right.
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