IVF take three

In our long fertility struggle, we've tried MANY different fertility treatment options MANY different times.  Our first attempt at invetro fertilization occurred in 2006 and resulted in our beautiful daughter Emerson.  All other fertility treatments before and since 2006 have been unsuccessful.  So we here are again trying invetro fertilization because our hearts just really want to expand our family.  I started the injections on Thursday night and went today to the specialist for a sonogram.  The specialist has to check every few days to see how my body is responding to the medication (ie how many follicles/eggs I have growing).  The last two times we did IVF, I had about 14 follicles that grew and were retrieved.  When I went for my sonogram today, I had 5 follicles growing.  The first time we did IVF, I had 14 eggs retrieved and only 3 embryos that developed that were then transferred to my uterus for implantation.  Of the three embryos transferred, we only had one implant (Emerson).  The second time we did IVF, we had 14 eggs retrieved and only 2 embryos that developed and were transferred to my uterus for implantation.  That time, neither embryo implanted thus no pregnancy. 

So, looking at 5 follicles seems disappointing.  The nurse told me that as we age we just don't tend to create as many eggs.  Yes, those 5 follicles can still create embryos (Lord willing), but it seems like odds are against us.  I am reminded, though, that God is in control of this whole process.  I feel like I am naturally a very optimistic person, ask anyone who knows me, except about pregnancy.  I've been very "realistic" (although friends would say pessimistic) about being able to get pregnant again, only because of our multiple failures at doing so.  This morning, after leaving the specialist, I felt like I was challenged to be optimistic and hopeful about becoming pregnant.  I was reminded in my spirit to ask God for my heart's desire and trust Him with my request.  I feel like my pessimism is self-protection - I don't want to be hurt again if I don't get pregnant.  But, so what if I get hurt again?  Is that going to be the end of the world?  No!  What's wrong with hoping and believing in the best?  This is my challenge.  I will hope and trust and believe throughout this process.  I will walk by faith and not be sight.